Life is a bang
by Preferably Bitter 52
Summary: At heart, Deidara always knew he was a cold, sadistic person, planning to be a ruthless ninja until the end of his days. To become a top shinobi as well as a perfect artist he's forced to deal with Team 7's antics. Through tough times, happy moments, and near death experiences, slowly, but surely he learns what it means to be apart of a team.
1. Chapter 1: First impressions

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and I in no part own the franchise**

' _Naruto_ '=thoughts

Naruto=normal

*Naruto*=sound effect

OoO=short cut XxxxXxx=long cut

* * *

Chapter 1: First impressions

Deidara eased back in his chair, fingers fiddling with his pockets and face winded down. A sharp contrast to the excitement infecting all the other crazed students, he seemed to be the only one immune. _'Today is officially the day everyone becomes full-fledged ninja, big deal, we'll just be stuck saving lost cats or something.'_

His pale blue eyes locked onto the nearest clock. _'It's about time for it to start...but I don't see Iruka any...'_ He lost his train of thought when he was suddenly faced with a kid near inches away from his nose. "...Get out of my face already, hm." He grumbled.

Naruto always found a way to blow Deidara's infamously short fuse and today was no different. _'I don't get what's the big deal about him, he acts smug like all the time I don't think I've ever seen him without that stupid smirk on his face!'_ Naruto stuck his tongue out. "Why would I listen to an idiot like you?!"

"Then listen to my foot."

"Hu—" He got cut off when Deidara planted his face then tipped him over the desk.

*bam*

"Naruto! Get your ass off me!"

"S-sorry Sakura-chan it was an accident! It's all Deidara's fault!"

"I don't wanna hear it!"

Normally, Deidara would've enjoyed watching Naruto get pummeled Sakura, but was distracted by Iruka's rrival. "Even though all of you have become real ninja, you are all still Genin, so the road head to becoming top shinobi is still very far ahead."

"Since you'll be starting missions soon, you'll be assigned three man teams with each team having a jōnin as their leader. Following your sensei's instructions will be key to completing each of your missions successfully."

Naruto droned out most of what Iruka said as usual and only listened to bits and pieces. _'I'd hate to be the loser stuck on Deidara's team, that'd suck.'_

Deidara chewed on a cuticle. _'Three-man teams? Well, I don't care who it is,'_ He peered at the spiky blonde. _'...just anyone but him.'_

 _'Eh, a three-man team,'_ Sakura went through a mental list of all her classmates. _'There's no one I especially want to be with, anyone would be fine except for Naruto and Ino-pig!'_

Iruka wavered a piece of paper in the air, "This small paper will decide all your future. We tried to balance each team's strengths to ensure the likelihood of success."

*several disappointments later

"...ok and next is Team 7. Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto and Deidara."

"WHAT?!"

OoO

 _'Knock on wood for me, I guess,'_ Deidara tore off a chunk of his lunch, he leaned onto an old building's railing and watched the sun slowly approach the horizon. _'I can't complain about something I had coming for me.'_

Deidara dropped off the building and onto the soft ground. He looked around for a moment before homing in on his target. _'There she is.'_

Sakura finished the last bites of her lunch and sulked for dessert. "I'm fine with Deidara, he's nowhere near as annoying as Naruto, he's strong too, and won't be lagging down the team like—"

"Like you?"

Equipped with his usual smirk as always, Deidara walked from behind the flowering trees. "Just because we're on the same team now, don't expect me to save you like some kind of damsel in distress, hm."

The coldness of his words struck a nerve in Sakura. "What's that supposed to mean?! I won't ever need help from you!"

"Are you kidding me? You're no better than Naruto, both of you are the same level of weakness...well no I take that back, he's a little bit weaker, hm."

"Hey! Shut the hell up, you're the weak one!" Deidara and Sakura's heads turned to find another Deidara with a hand over his mouth. _'Shit, I spoke too early.'_

"What the-who do you think you are?!" Deidara yelled.

"An idiot! Ha ha I'm such a loser!"

 _'That has to be Naruto, pathetic.'_ "Whatever."

"I'm gonna go run across the entire village!"

"So what?"

"And say how much of a loser I am for everyone to hear!"

 _'Great, this jackass is about to ruin my entire image, I can't let that happen!'_ Deidara ran after his doppelgänger. "If you do that I swear I'll kill you!"

Sakura could still Deidara's vivid yellow hair flying wildly against the wind, a sigh escaping her breath when she went back to staring at her feet. "I'm hopeless with those two on my team."

XxxxXxx

"Naruto, sit down already or something," Sakura grumbled.

"Yeah yeah," Naruto grumbled back. "Just why is _our_ teacher so damn late?!"

Deidara was sitting in his seat so long he practically melted into it. _'Can't complain with him on this one.'_

"All the other teams have gone out and did cool stuff with their jōnin, but we're stuck in this room with nothing to do, not even Iruka's here!" Naruto harshly leaned back on the thin boarded wall, putting a large crack in it and a glare from Sakura. "Shit, can we leave this place already?!"

"...I have an idea," He grabbed an eraser from the chalkboard and leaped onto a table leaning by the door.

"Hey! Naruto what're you doing?!"

He wedged the eraser in between the doors. "Giving sensei what he gets for being late!"

"What a dumb trick," Deidara said.

"So?! Do you have anything—" Deidara threw him a small, white ball. "What's this?"

"Stick it on the wall, hm."

Several legs popped out of the ball and it scaled the wall. It's spider-like movements captured Naruto and Sakura's attention as it moved from the frame to in between the sliding door's opening where it positioned itself.

Naruto muttered something under his breath, then took the eraser out.

 _'That jutsu was so cool! How'd he do it?!'_ Sakura broke the awkward silence with an equally awkward cough. "That justu was..."

"Totally lame!" Naruto cut in. "What was the point of that, so you could act all smug with your stupid jutsu?!"

"Ameatur, you wouldn't understand." Deidara formed a quick hand seal. "I'm an artist, and what the clay will produce is my form of art!"

"There's...more?!"

"You haven't even seen the best part yet, hm!"

 _'He ruined his own speech with those weird grunts. Weirdo.'_

 _'Does he grunt like that on purpose to look cool or does he do it subconsciously?'_

"Why are you two looking at me like that for?! I'm telling the truth, hm!"

 _'There he goes again with the grunts.'_

 _'Maybe he grunts more when he's irritated, that's probably it.'_

"Ugh, then you'll have to see firsthand what I'm talking about whenever he comes through!"

Kakashi poked his head out of the door. "See what?"

"This; _katsu_!" The clay peeled off and landed in Kakashi's wavy silver hair.

 _'It...failed?!'_

"Hmm first impressions...I don't like you guys."

OoO

Kakashi led them to the rooftop of the classroom, outside was surprisingly stagnant, the clouds were motionless and the wind could barely make a scratch on the surrounding trees. "How about we start off by introducing ourselves," Kakashi said.

Naruto, Deidara, and Sakura seated themselves on steps that opened to the balcony while Kakashi was fine sitting on the railing.

"Like how?" Naruto asked.

"Hmm, let's see, why not we say our likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future, conversational stuff like that."

"You should start first," Naruto said.

"That way we can see how it's done." Sakura added. _'And because he's kind of suspicious...'_

"Fine with me," Kakashi propped one arm on the railing. "My name is Hatake Kakashi, I don't really care to tell you my likes or dislikes...dreams for the future, haven't really thought about it, but I have lots of hobbies."

"Lame, all he told us was his name." Deidara muttered, the others weakly nodded.

"Now it's your guy's turn, you there on the right, start."

Naruto adjusted his forehead protector, overloaded with excitement. "Alright, alright! The name's Uzumaki Naruto, I like cup ramen and I like it even more when Iruka-sensei buys it for me at the shop! What I dislike is waiting three minutes for the ramen to cook and my dream..."

 _'Does all this guy ever think about is ramen?'_

"My dream is to be the greatest Hokage of all time and then people of the village will have no choice but to acknowledge my existence!"

 _'He's had an interesting childhood...'_

"My hobbies...I guess it's pranks."

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Alright then, next."

"My name is Deidara, I like art, I dislike anyone who disrespects my art, my hobbies are developing new techniques to express my art and my dreams for the future is to find a way to become my own passion, it'll be the ultimate dream!"

 _'Just like Naruto he obsesses to death over one thing.'_

Sakura and Naruto stared at Deidara.

 _'He...he wants to become clay? He's weirder than I imagined...'_

 _'Does he ever shut up about his art?'_

 _'I figured as much.'_ "And last, the girl," He nodded in her direction. "Go ahead."

"My name is Haruno Sakura and I like...hm...well I like hot guys, my hobbies are, uh, shopping I guess, dreams for the future...I want to be a strong kunoichi that way Deidara can eat his words! Oh and what I dislike is Naruto!"

Sakura stuck her tongue out at Deidara while Naruto wallowed in sadness.

 _'A strong kunoichi? That's a good one.'_ "So far with the introductions, tomorrow we'll start with a special shinobi duty."

"Duty?! What kind of duty?!" Naruto chirped.

"It'll be something for just the four of us..."

"What is it, what is it, huh?!"

"Survival training."

"What the hell are you talking about, that's why we went to the academy in the first place, hm."

"It's not any of that low level academy training, I'll be your opponent this time around."

"Then, then what is it?"

Kakashi broke out into a low cackle, puzzling the genin even further. "What's so funny, sensei?" Sakura asked.

"It's just that, you guys'll all freak out when I tell you."

"Tell us what?"

"Of the 27 graduates only 9 will become genin, the rest will be sent back to the academy, this training is very difficult with a failure rate of over 66%." Kakashi humored all the genin's suddenly pale faces. "Didn't I say you all would freak out?"

"Then what was the point of the academy?!"

"Oh just to see who had the chance of becoming genin."

"What?!"

"Anyways, the exams will take place tomorrow, it'll be the perfect place to show what you're made of, so bring all your shinobi tools and skip on eating breakfast—you'll throw up." Kakashi pushed himself off the railing, a stack of papers in hand. "Details are on the paper, don't be late."

 _'A survival test where I might throw up? This'll be a test of my patience...'_

 _'This is a test of my strength, I'll show Kakashi-sensei what an awesome ninja I am!'_

 _'He must be testing my art skills, that last one was a fluke, but tomorrow I'm bringing my best clay so he can experience true art at its finest!'_

* * *

A/N: **Thank you for reading this I appreciate it, this is probably my third character swap story so far, but this time things will change for once. It'll be slow at first, but by the end, it's going to be its own thing so bare with me.**

 **Second thing, Deidara is not meant to replace Sasuke in the sense that he's an Uchiha. Sasuke still exists or 'existed' in this story.**


	2. Chapter 2: We're a team, right?

**princessbinas: I also applaud thee back for making Deidara as one of the Main characters cool in the Bombs away story I was supposed to pick up but never did :/**

* * *

Chapter 2: We're a team, right?

"Good morning, guys!" Kakashi cooed.

"Why are you late?!" The genin yelled back.

"Well, I got lost on the path of life."

"Yeah right!"

The young ninja followed Kakashi to a desolated field, in the middle of which had three tree stumps adjacent to one another where he set a timer. "It's set for noon," Kakashi faced them as he pulled out two bells from his pocket. "Your task for today is to take these two bells from me before time's up."

"Those without a bell by noon get no lunch and I'll tie the unlucky person to one of those stumps where I'll eat right in front of you. If you decide to feed them anyways, you will be immediately failed."

Naruto clenched his growling stomach. _'So that's why he told us not to eat...'_

Kakashi jingled the bells together. "You only have to get one of the bells, so at least one of you will be tied to stump no matter what and ultimately be sent back to the academy. You are welcome to use any shinobi tools of your disposal, but in order to succeed you must come at me with the intent to kill."

"Heh, sounds fun," Deidara said.

Oh brother..." Sakura groaned.

"We'll definitely kill you, no problem!" Naruto boasted.

"In the real world, those without talent bark the loudest." Kakashi deapanned. "Just ignore the guy who came dead last in the academy and start when I say..."

 _'DEADLAST?! He won't be saying that once he'll be dead himself!'_ Naruto grabbed his kunai knife and prepared for a slick strike against his teacher.

*fwip*

*grab*

"...!"

"I didn't say start yet," Kakashi said.

Deidara and Sakura gazed at Kakashi then looked back at each other with the same look of awe-struck spread across their faces. _'No way, I didn't even see sensei move!'_

 _'Just who is this guy, hm?!'_

"Well, it seems like you're all prepared to come at me with the intent to kill, so you've finally acknowledged me now, huh? I think I'm actually beginning to like you guys..."

"Let's get going already, begin!"

While Naruto stayed behind to go one on one with Kakashi, Sakura and Deidara wasted no time in shrouding themselves behind the bushes. The fight was pretty one-sided, anyone could see from a mile away Naruto was going to end up the loser. _'Bah, I can't waste my time watching Naruto humiliate himself, not when I have to prepare.'_ Deidara slowly crept away from the bushes.

He took a lump of clay from his utility belt and set it on the ground. _'This'll give Kakashi the turn around, I'll release it during the perfect opening.'_

OoO

Naruto dangled loosely from the tight clutches of the rope, he huffed, preparing to give in one more scream. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

Kakashi, appearing out of seemingly nowhere, approached Naruto with a disdained look on his face. He reached down and picked up the bell lying directly under the spiky blonde. "Think before you use a jutsu, or it could be used against you."

He tossed the bell just under Naruto's grasp. "And also, don't fall for such obvious traps, idiot, a shinobi must be able to see what's underneath the—"

"I KNOW THAT!"

"If you did, you wouldn't be where you are now."

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

 _'Perfect.'_

"Katsu!"

*boom*

Small chunks of dirt and rock erupted from the ground, scattering over a small section of the forest. _'So this is what Deidara's kekkai genkai is all about, interesting.'_

"Katsu!"

*boom*

 _'Another one.'_ Kakashi dodged another fairly smaller blast followed by long strings of equally as impactive explosions.

"Katsu!"

*BOOM*

This explosion in particular was on a larger scale than the others and its debris managed to knock Naruto on the head. "OW! What's going on sensei?! Where are these explosions coming from?!"

"Your teammate."

"Huh?!"

"Katsu!"

Instead of the usual explosions, Kakashi got struck with a band of shinobi weapons. Deidara leapt out of the bushes, beaming proud of his accomplishment. "Gah! Deidara y-you bastard! You went way too far this time!" Naruto yelled.

 _'That didn't really get him, did it? It should've been—"_

Kakashi flicked Deidara's forehead. "Eh?"

"I-I thought he really killed you, sensei!"

"While it was a smart tactic, I expected Deidara to take an opening like that."

Deidara's face darkened. "Then did you expect this too? _Katsu_."

 _'There's no where to...wait.'_ "...?"

"Just kidding."

Kakashi quickly jumped back. _'That was close.'_ "You're going to have to try a lot harder than that to..." His hands casually searched for the bells. _'What?'_

Sakura sighed _. 'Great. Looks like Deidara already got the bells, and I doubt he'd give it to either one of us.'_ She slumped out of the bushes and headed to where the rest of the 'team' was.

Deidara wavered the sliver bells in front of his smirking face. "Looking for something, Kakashi?" He threw the bells up and let everyone watch them fall into his noticeably sweaty palms. "Don't worry, my artistic talent can make up for the loss of my teammates, how about it, hm?"

"Deidara you asshole!" Naruto yelled.

For once, Sakura agreed with what the hyper blonde said and joined in on Naruto's rant, feeling just as upset herself. "Naruto's right, and what good is a team with only _you_ in it?!"

Deidara's hands inched towards his utility belt. "You want me to show..." Their sensei's glare weakened his motivation, Deidara mechanically turned his head where Kakashi was standing in a stiffened, crossed-arm position.

"Team 7's; Uzumaki Naruto, Deidara and Haruno Sakura _all_ _fail_."

"WHAT?!"

Deidara went off like a motor. "But-but-but-but-but, Kakashi...my man?! All fail?! I got the bells, that means I pass, hm!"

"Like Sakura said, Team 7 is no good with only one genin. While you do possess tactically advanced jutsu, how good will it be if you ever in a situation where you run out of chakra? If I die during battle, you'll have absolutely no one to fall back on. Having teammates are an essential part of any team and taking _care_ of your team is the utmost importance."

"But—"

"If you treat your teammates no better than your own shinobi tools, then you can leave the standard forces and look out for yourself and only yourself in the ANBU unit. I have a feeling you'd fit in there more than you ever would in this team."

By the end of his speech, Kakashi seemed to be the most intimating person Deidara had ever met. Deidara stood there, defenseless, a feeling he didn't ever want to have to experience again.

"Don't feel like you're the only one to blame, Deidara," He faced Naruto. "Naruto, you rushed in by yourself and never considered the consent of your teammates." Then next, Sakura. "And Sakura, you were by Naruto yet you didn't help him, whether you like him or not is irrelevant, he's your teammate now, and that's all that matters."

"The purpose of this survival test wasn't for one person to get the bell, it was for you to all work together as a team and since you three can't even understand the very basics of being on a team, you won't be continuing your path as a shinobi any further."

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto wailed. "No! Please, we won't do it again, well maybe Deidara, but Deidara's always been a grade-A jerk, so please let us try again, please, please please, we won't mess up next time! Please, please, sensei, one more time, please...I don't ever wanna have to go back to the academy..."

Kakashi drew out a tired sigh. A long look at Naruto's puppy dog pleading face made him reconsider. "You can be sent back to the academy and retake this test after you re-learn what it means to be apart of a team..." He glimpsed at Naruto's pained face. " _Or_ , you can all retake the exact same test with the exact same rules tomorrow,"

Naruto giddily nodded. "Yea—"

"But if one of you fails again, you will be immediately stripped of your Konoha forehead protector and never be allowed to be a ninja of this village."

"Deidara,"

Shoken by the mention of his own name he spoke noticeably slower than usual. "...Yes...sensei...?"

"Why don't you choose, or if you want, I'll send good words of you to the ANBU unit."

Deidara took no regards to Naruto's glare or Sakura's heavy groan. All he focused on was Kakashi's half-empty eyes. "We'll...retake the test."

XxxxXxx

 _-Night-_

Deidara fell back on his grungy bed and stared at the cracks etched in the ceiling, they made a shape he always considered to be an explosion, it was a somewhat deep-seated thought he filed in the back of his mind.

His attention was shortly directed to his worn out utility belt sitting on the bed's edge. _'If I chose anything else, I'd never hear the end of it from Naruto...this way at least if Naruto screws up it'll be all on him.'_

 _*grrrrrurch_

Deidara clutched his stomach. _'We could barely do anything without eating for one day...how are we supposed to survive two? Maybe that's why my team was so incompetent?'_

OoO

Sakura sat at the foot of her bed, pulling up her hair to get ready for sleep. "Why did that IDIOT have to choose retaking the test, at least with the academy option we had less of a risk, but NOoOooo I bet all he thought about was like 'hurr durr, my art is so cool that Kakashi-sensei needs an encore, hm'—"

"SAKURA, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!"

 _'Geez, mom.'_ "I THINK THAT WAS THE WIND, I'M ASLEEP ALREADY!"

She plopped down after tucking in the last strands. _'Iit's just that I haven't had food in so long...I don't know what to do...'_

OoO

"No food; no problems!" Naruto and his clones had at it again with another round of beating up his Kakashi-sensei dummy. "...One problem actually; IT SUCKS!" He gave a powerful kick to the crudely drawn picture of Deidara replacing Kakashi's masked face.

 _'You fail this for us Deidara and I swear you'll near hear the end of it.'_

OoO

The genin trudged back to the same desolated field from yesterday. "Yeah, yeah! We'll pass this time! I know it!" Naruto's excitement to retake the rest were not shared with his prone-to-groaning comrades.

Kakashi and the genin stopped squarely at the three stumps. "You know how I said the rules were still the same?"

They nodded.

"They still are, except this time, you'll have to find me. Ready, Go!" The instant Kakashi said 'Go', he disappeared with only a trace of dust in his presence. Naruto and Sakura were about to do the same until Deidara stopped them.

"Obviously what we did yesterday didn't work at all, it's best we try a different approach, hm." Naruto's eye twitched when he saw Deidara reach for his utility belt. "Oh yeah, like your clay's a totally different approach."

Without a word, he took off his utility belt and unzipped the pouches, in it was as much food he could possibly jam in there. Naruto was shocked. _'He replaced all his clay with...'_ "Deidara...you...you heard what Kakashi-sensei said, right?"

"Yeah, you'll never become a ninja if he catches you!" Sakura hissed.

His teammates' genuine concern made him feel slightly uncomfortable. "A team that hasn't eaten in two days can't function properly, and if we're gonna do this teamwork bullshit, we all have to be in the best shape we can. Now go, eat, or I'll take it all for myself, hm."

Sakura and Naruto stuffed food in their mouths faster than they could even chew it. "Deidara, aren't you gonna eat too?" Naruto said between food chewing.

Just watching the way they ate made Deidara lose his appetite. "N-no, I'm fine."

Naruto and Sakura glanced at each other then back at Deidara.

"What?!"

OoO

*slam*

 _'Smart Deidara, I didn't expect him to replace all his clay with food. Either he took what I said to heart, or he understands what this survival exam is really testing them for.'_ Kakashi stood up from the bush he was hiding behind, walking to the genin, he saw Naruto and Sakura were force feeding Deidara food. _'Even so, we still have a long, long way to go...'_

Naruto shoveled out more food while Sakura was keeping his mouth pried open. "It's not teamwork if you do—"

"Naruto, Sakura, Deidara. You guys pass."

Everyone stopped.

Those three words 'You guys pass' would stick in their young minds forever, right now, at that instant, they were officially Team 7 and officially able to go on missions. Naruto grinned, Sakura smiled and Deidara's smirk relaxed into a relieved smile.

Naruto's grin dampened. "Wait, but sensei, we broke the rules didn't we? Why did we pass?"

"Because you guys tried something new, everyone else would do whatever I told them. Sure some of them got the bell once in a while, but they never placed their entire trust on their team or thought about anyone else other than themselves...they were morons to simply put it."

"A ninja must be able to see past the obvious and those who don't follow the rules are trash, but those who abandon their friends are far worse than trash," His hands eased into his pockets. "Tomorrow we'll meet at our usual rendezvous point where'll you do your very first ninja mission."

"OH YEAH! I DID IT! WE'RE FINALLY A REAL NINJA TEAM!" Naruto yelled.

Sakura smiled. "It does feel pretty nice."

"Mm hm," Deidara walked away. _'It's not my ideal aesthetic, though...it should still be a blast.'_

XxxxXxx

* * *

A/N: **Take what you want from Deidara getting the bells, but he is highly intelligent and his jutsu isnt necessarily powerful (at least not the C1 most of the time) but it's an extremely good battle tactic. So much so that for part 1, I'm only allowing him to use C1-C2 bombs, and the rest he'll develop post-timeskip.**


End file.
